by Jeff Dieffenbach

Returning for their third year, the 2003 MLS Gold Mine Awards recognize measurable but non-obvious performances mined nugget-like from the statistical depths. Many year-end awards fail the measurement test: e.g., MVP, Rookie of the Year. Others wear the mantle of the obvious and in essence report themselves: e.g., scoring leader, goals against average. The Gold Mine Awards reveal hidden aspects of the league.

Sharpshooter award

Anyone can score goals given enough shots. Ante Razov netted 14 goals for Chicago, 3rd best in the league among the 119 players who scored in MLS this year. But it took him a league leading 119 shots to do so—1 goal every 8.50 shots. (Ante’s 2003 performance closely mirrored that of 2002: 4th best, 14 goals in 115 shots, 1 goal per 8.21 shots.)

What’s really impressive is scoring goals without a lot of shots. Who were this year’s top Sharpshooters among those scoring more than two goals?

Congratulations to Diego Serna, the 2003 Sharpshooter award winner for scoring 1 goal every 2.67 shots. Diego, we hardly knew ye.

On Frame Award (NEW!)

Unlike the Sharpshooter, the On Frame award winner doesn’t necessarily find the back of the net. But they at least keep the ball on target (more than 5 shots to qualify).

New York/New Jersey’s Steve Jolley missed the Sharpshooter award by a hair, but took home the On Frame award as a consolation.

Shotgun Award (NEW!)

Unlike the Sharpshooter, the Shotgunner sprays them all over the park praying for the back of the net. The Shotgun Award goes to the goal scorer with the WORST ratio of shots to goals.

Freddy Garcia of Columbus, if at first you don’t succeed …

Passing Fancy award

All true fans know that the while the heart of soccer may be the goal, its soul is the pass. And best of all is the pass that leads to the goal. The Passing Fancy award goes to the goal scorer with the best ratio of assists to goals.

Congratulations to Mark Lisi for dishing it out to win the 2003 Passing Fancy award. Honorable mention goes to Cobi Jones of Los Angeles, whose 8 assists to 2 goals ratio gives him the highest ranking (6th) of those players with 2 or more goals. Also, honorable mention to goalkeepers Tim Howard of New York/New Jersey and Kevin Hartman of Los Angeles for each notching an assist.

Homebrew Scoring award

A certain King of Beers (tm) sponsors the “2 points for a goal, 1 point for an assist” league scoring championship. The Homebrew Scoring award (new in 2002) stands that formula on its head, giving 2 points for an assist and 1 point for a goal.

Congratulations to the 2003 Homebrew Scoring award winner, Preki. Preki earns high honors for setting a new Homebrew record with 46 points (a total he matched in pre-Gold Min 1997) while simultaneously taking home the 2-points-for-a-goal;1-for-an-assist trophy from the aforementioned brewing royalty.

Take My Ball and Go Home award

Everyone remembers the kid who wouldn’t share. MLS is no different. The Take My Ball and Go Home award is arrived at by looking at the ratio of goals to assists for players with at least one assist.

No shame in putting the ball in the back of the net! No congrats for selfishness, but none of the teams above have been heard to complain. Bravo, Clint Mathis! Honorable mention goes to DC United’s Dema Kovalenko for notching six goals with nary a helper.

Share and Share Alike award

Mom always said, “Everything in moderation.” The Share and Share Alike award goes to those players who balance goals and assists.

Congratulations to Hristo Stoitchkov, winner of the 2001 Share and Share Alike award. Diego Serna’s 15 and 15 mark for Miami in 2001 appears stronger with each passing year (and may well be unbreakable once Preki retires).

Two (Two!) Men Between the Ball and the Goal award

It’s hard to blame offensive players for wanting to score goals. It’s easy to blame them for ignoring the rules, however. The Two (Two!) Men Between the Ball and the Goal award goes to those with the highest ratios of offsides calls to goals.

Hold your horses, Toni Nleko, winner of the 2003 Two (Two!) Men Between the Ball and the Goal award. Honorable mention goes to Carlos Ruiz of the Galaxy for his league leading 46 offsides calls (placing him 22nd in offsides to goals ratio due to his 15 strikes).

Schoolyard Bully award

School yard bullies don’t disappear when school’s out. The Schoolyard Bully award goes to the player who hands out the highest ratio of fouls called (more than 10) to fouls suffered.

“Shame on you” to Daoda Kante, winner of the 2003 Schoolyard Bully award. Honorable mention (for the second year in a row) to Carlos Ruiz of Los Angeles, whose league leading 76 fouls called offset 87 suffered.

Punching Bag award

For every schoolyard bully, there’s a punching bag. In MLS, the Punching Bag award goes to the player who absorbs the highest ratio of fouls suffered (minimum 10) to fouls called.

A purple heart to Jose Cancela, “winner” of the 2003 Punching Bag award. Honorable mention goes to DaMarcus Beasley of Chicago, who absorbed a league leading 96 fouls, but managed to find time to dish out 48 in exchange (0.5 for a rank of 15th).

Sisyphean Fans award

Greek mythology holds that for betraying a secret of Zeus, Sisyphus was doomed to perpetually roll a large boulder to the top of a hill, only to lose control and watch it plummet back to the bottom before starting again.

A team’s Sisyphus Number (SN) for a year is arrived at by dividing their average home attendance by their average points per game for all games.

The Sisyphean Fans ranking for 2003, recognizing fans who come out to support their club regardless of performance, is as follows.

Congratulations to the stalwart Los Angeles Galaxy fans, winners of the 2003 Sisyphean Fans award.

Pineda Colada award

Every coin has two sides. The flip side of the Sisyphus coin is named for the 2001 Miami Fusion star (Alex Pineda Chacon) whose presence still failed to drag fans away from their air conditioners long enough to take in a game. Fans of the teams with the worst ratio of average home attendance to points per game are as follows.

“Boo, hiss” to the San Jose Earthquakes “fans,” winners of the 2003 Pineda Colada award (and winners in 2002 and runners-up in 2001).

Paul Caligiuri award

As the league ages, the high profile retirements begin to mount.

Technically, long-time Chicago Fire star Peter Nowak was a Rev in 2003 … for about 15 minutes. Good enough for the Gold Mine. In addition to MLS, Nowak’s illustrious career included stops in Poland, Turkey, Switzerland, Germany, and the Polish National Team (Polish Player of the Year in 1996).

Hey, you can’t measure everything.