by Jeff Dieffenbach

Sport. Not a sport. It’s a debate that will never be settled, but one school of thought has it that if you can’t measure the result (gymnastics, synchronized swimming, ballroom dancing), it’s not a sport. Extremely difficult, certainly! A sport, NO!
 
Likewise, many year-end awards (MVP, Rookie of the Year, and so on) fail the measurement test. Others (top goal scorer, best goals against average, etc) practically report themselves, no point in repeating them here.

Great and not so great performances abounded in MLS this year. Some obvious, some less so. The focus here leans towards the latter, buried performances mined like nuggets from the statistical depths. Herewith, the 2001 - and first annual - MLS Gold Mine awards.

Sharpshooter award: Anyone can score goals given enough shots. Sure, Jason Kreis of the Dallas Burn scored 7 goals, good for 19th overall (tied with Clint Mathis, Dante Washington, Steve Ralston, Roy Lassiter, Sasha Victorine, and Landon Donavanelite company, to be sure) among the 134 players who scored goals in the MLS this year. But it took him 77 shots, or one goal every 11 shots!

What’s really impressive is scoring goals without a lot of shots. Who were this year’s top Sharpshooters among those scoring more than two goals?

        1. Steve Ralston, Tampa Bay Mutiny, 7 goals on 18 shots (1 every 2.57 shots)
        2. Ted Chronopoulos, New England Revolution, 5 of 15 (1 every 3.00)
        3. Brian Maisonneuve, Columbus Crew, 8 of 26 (1 every 3.25)
        4. Alex Pineda Chacon, Miami Fusion, 19 of 63 (1 every 3.32)
        5. Greg Vanney, Los Angeles Galaxy, 6 of 21 (1 every 3.50)

Congratulations to Steve Ralston, the 2001 Sharpshooter award winner. Honorable mention to Alex Pineda Chacon for his accuracy while leading the league in both goals and points.

Passing Fancy award: All true fans know that the while the heart of soccer may be the goal, it’s soul is the pass. And best of all is the pass that leads to the goal. The Passing Fancy award goes to the goalscorer with the best ratio of assists to goals.

        1. Simon Elliott, Los Angeles Galaxy, 11 assists and 1 goal: 11.0
        2. Ross Paule, Colorado Rapids/New York MetroStars, 10 and 1: 10.0
        3. Antonio Martinez, Dallas Burn, 9 and 1: 9.0
        3. Richard Mulrooney, San Jose Earthquakes, 9 and 1: 9.0
        5. Bobby Convey, DC United, 7 and 1: 7.0
        5. Daniel Hernandez, New York MetroStars, 7 and 1: 7.0

Congratulations to Simon Elliott for dishing it out to win the 2001 Passing Fancy award.
Honorable mention to Brian McBride of the Columbus Crew with 6 assists and 1 goal, one of six players tied for 7th and one player whom his teammates would like to see show up in the next category.

Also, honorable mention also to Mauricio Cienfuegos of the Los Angeles Galaxy, whose 7 assists to 2 goals ratio gives him the highest ranking (16th) of those players with 2 goals.

And finally, honorable mention to Miami Fusion goalkeeper Nick Ramando, who tallied 2 assists.

Take My Ball and Go Home award: Everyone remembers the kid who wouldn’t share. MLS is no different. The Take My Ball and Go Home award is arrived at by looking at the ratio of goals to assists.

        1. Abdul Thompson Conteh, DC United, 14 goals and 1 assist: 14.0
        2. Roy Lassiter, Kansas City Wizards, 7 and 1: 7.0
        3. Ted Chronopoulos, New England Revolution, 5 and 1: 5.0
        3. Santino Quaranta, DC United, 5 and 1: 5.0
        5. Rodrigo Faria, New York MetroStars, 8 and 2: 4.0

No shame in putting the ball in the back of the net! No congrats, but also no rotten tomatoes, for Abdul Thompson Conteh, winner of the 2001 Take My Ball and Go Home award.

Two (Two!) Men Between the Ball and the Goal award: It’s hard to blame offensive players for wanting to score goals. It’s easy to blame them for ignoring the rules, however. The Two (Two!) Men Between the Ball and the Goal award goes to those with the highest ratios of offsides calls to goals.

        1. Chris Albright, DC United, 13 offsides and 1 goal: 13.0
        2. Junior Agogo, Colorado Rapids, 12 and 1: 12.0
        3. Chris Henderson, Miami Fusion, 26 and 3: 8.7
        4. Brian Mullan, Los Angeles Galaxy, 17 and 2: 8.5
        5. Antonio Martinez, Dallas Burn, 8 and 1: 8.0

Hold your horses, Chris Albright, winner of the 2001 Two (Two!) Men Between the Ball and the Goal award. Honorable mention goes to Mamadou Diallo of the Tampa Bay Mutiny, whose 56 offsides calls (with 9 goals, for a ratio of 6.2 and a rank of 10th) led second place Ariel Graziani of the Dallas Burn by nearly 20 (37!).

Share and Share Alike award: Mom always said, “Everything in moderation.” The Share and Share Alike award goes to those players who balance goals and assists.

1. Diego Serna, Miami Fusion, 15 and 15
3. Cate, New England Revolution, 8 and 8
3. Manny Lagos, San Jose Earthquakes, 8 and 8
5. Petter Villegas, New York MetroStars, 5 and 5
5. Brian West, Columbus Crew, 5 and 5

Congratulations to Diego Serna, winner of the 2001 Share and Share Alike award.

Schoolyard Bully award: School yard bullies don’t disappear when school’s out. The Schoolyard Bully award goes to the player who hands out the highest ratio of fouls called (more than 10) to fouls suffered.

        1. Justin Evans, Chicago Fire/Dallas Burn, 11 called and 1 suffered: 11.0
        2. Ted Eck, Dallas Burn, 14 and 2: 7.0
        3. Aleksey Korol, Dallas Burn, 12 and 2: 6.0
        4. Billy Walsh, New York MetroStars, 17 and 3: 5.7
        5. Steve Shak, Colorado Rapids, 15 and 3: 5.0

Shame on you to Justin Evans, winner of the 2001 Schoolyard Bully award. And forwards, stay out of Dallas. Honorable mention to Matt McKeon of the Kansas City Wizards, whose league leading 76 fouls called offset 28 fouls suffered for a ratio of 2.7.

Punching Bag award: For every schoolyard bully, there’s a punching bag. In MLS, the Punching Bag award goes to the player who absorbs the highest ratio of fouls suffered to fouls called.

1. Carlos Valderrama, Tampa Bay Mutiny, 23 suffered and 2 called: 11.5
2. Tab Ramos, New York MetroStars, 60 and 16: 3.8
3. Peter Nowak, Chicago Fire, 48 and 15: 3.2
4. Marco Etcheverry, DC United, 63 and 21: 3.0
5. Devin Barclay, Tampa Bay Mutiny, 35 and 12: 2.9

A purple heart to Carlos Valderrama, “winner” of the 2001 Punching Bag award. Hey, Dallas, lay of the elder statesmen. Honorable mention to Jaime Moreno of DC United, who absorbed a league leading 87 fouls but managed to find time to dish out 31 in exchange (2.8 for a rank of 6th).

Sisyphean Fans award: Greek mythology holds that for betraying a secret of Zeus, Sisyphus was doomed to perpetually roll a large boulder to the top of a hill, only to lose control and watch it plummet back to the bottom before starting again. Fans of the New England Revolution can surely imagine this fate.

A team’s Sisyphus Number for a year is arrived at by dividing their average home attendance by their average points per game for all games. Since the league’s inception in 1996, the Revolution have racked up a league low 1.24 points per game (3 points for a win, 1 for a tie, 0 for a loss). Despite that performance, they averaged a home attendance of nearly 18,000 fans, good for third in the league behind Los Angeles and New York. Sisyphus Number: 17,987/1.24 equals 14,561.

The Sisyphean Fans ranking for 2001, recognizing fans who come out to support their club regardless of performance, is as follows.

1. DC United, 21,518 average home fans, 1.00 points/game, SN = 21,518
2. Tampa Bay Mutiny, 10,479 home fans, 0.52 ppg, SN = 20,209
3. Colorado Rapids, 16,481 home fans, 0.88 ppg, SN = 18,630

Congratulations to the stalwart DC United fans, winners of the 2001 Sisyphean Fans award. Honorable mention goes to the New England Revolution for having the best Sisyphus Number for the full six year period in which the league has been in existence.

Pineda Colada award: Every coin has two sides. The flip side of the Sisyphus coin is named for the Miami Fusion star whose presence still failed to drag fans away from their air conditioners long enough to take in a game. Fans of the teams with the worst ratio of average home attendance to points per game are as follows.

        1. Miami Fusion, 11,177 home fans, 2.04 ppg, SN = 5,483
        2. San Jose Earthquakes, 9,635 home fans, 1.73 ppg, SN = 5,567
        3. Kansas City Wizards, 10,954 home fans, 1.33 ppg, SN = 8,216

Rotten tomatoes to the Miami Fusion “fans,” winners of the 2001 Pineda Colada award.

Paul Caligiuri award: The league is too young to have had many high profile retirements to date. This year marks the first.

        1. Paul Caligiuri, Los Angeles Galaxy

No contest. 1989 World Cup qualifying hero Paul Caligiuri went out a champion as the Los Angeles Galaxy beat the New England Revolution to win the 2001 Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup.

Hey, you can’t measure everything.

A final “Congratulations!” to MLS’ hidden and not so hidden class Gold Mine award winners for 2001: Steve Ralston, Simon Elliott, Diego Serna, Carlos Valderrama, the DC United fans, and Paul Caligiuri.